Retro Christmas Countdown – Crazy Vintage Recipes

Every family has their own Christmas traditions, and chances are, they include some much-loved recipes. However, for every delicious pie there is that dreaded fruit cake or failed potato salad that family members choke down once a year so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Imagine the difficulty in doing that, however, when the popular recipes of the day looked like this!

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Ok, I kind of get it…candles, Christmas, those sort of go together. But somehow looking at those I don’t find myself thinking of candles…also, maybe it’s just me, but bananas never exactly screamed “xmas” to me.

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In keeping with our candle theme here’s one dish that does something incredible; turns me off from food even more than the previous one. It’s like someone had spent years plopping that cranberry sauce out of the can and thinking, it needs something extra, and then one day, eureka! We can mix it with mayonnaise and light it on fire! I mean, the lighting it on fire part isn’t a bad idea…

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Oh goody! More of everyone’s favourite Christmas treat; bananas! But now we’ve perfected them by ADDING MEAT.

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Now, on top of generally just being against eating anything that smiles at me, I feel like “seafood” and “mousse” are two words that shouldn’t really go together. Gotta appreciate that great presentation though, the bed of greens and 3 awkwardly places tomatoes really give it that je ne sais quoi.

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Despite it’s bizarre appearance, I feel this may be the most normal meal on the list. I think those are cornflakes that have been sort of “candy-fied” and topped with what I assume are mints. Worth the effort? Not really. But much less likely to give you nightmares or gut rot than most of this list.

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There were just too many lovely jello creations to choose from, I couldn’t narrow it down to one. Really, all you need to know is that jello used to be SO popular they made vegetable flavour, and that it wasn’t uncommon to serve as part of the main course. Now, admittedly, my Grandmother always serves jello with Christmas dinner, I think it’s a rural Ontarian thing, but THANK GOD it’s cherry flavoured and I’ve never been forced to choke down shrimp and olive jello.

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I think the name says it all. “Bacon pudding” is even worse than “vegetable jello” in my books. Fun Fact: this comes up looking the exact same way it does going down.

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Last, but certainly not least, this piece de resistance that certainly does take the crown. I think what really makes it for me is that, they seem to have sliced the sausages lengthwise so that they can curve up around the dish, rising up so support that lovely pile of…I guess it’s some sort of sauerkraut…I’d love to see someone try and serve this without the whole thing falling apart, almost as much as I’d love to watch someone eat it without falling apart themselves.

Did you like this post? Check out other blogs like Bad Jelly (where they make and try some of these fabulous creations) and The Gallery of Regrettable Food. Have you ever tried anything this ghastly? Tweet us your pictures or stories to @BygoneTheatre #RetroFood.

-E.

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Retro Radio Hour: Holiday Special – Performer Spotlight – Emily Dix

Emily Dix is one of the founding members and the Artistic Director/Producer of Bygone Theatre. She has directed all of their shows and is the main driving force behind all artistic decisions and fundraising efforts. It was her love of oldies radio plays that inspired the idea for the Retro Radio Hour series, and she is thrilled to be organizing the Holiday Special, as well as revisiting her role of Baby Snooks in the Baby Snooks and Daddy play, “The Christmas Skates”! Be sure to check out her online portfolio and connect with her on Linkedin! 

Emily Dix

Emily Dix

What inspired you to create Bygone Theatre’s “Retro Radio Hour: Holiday Special”?
The first “Retro Radio Hour” was a big success; we got a surprisingly large turnout and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Plus, it’s a fairly easy show to put together, and a cheap way to get a large number of our talented friends involved at once, so it’s a really fun show to do. Plus, I think people like to get into the holiday spirit by watching Christmas specials, singing carols, sipping hot chocolate – why not add a holiday radio show to the mix?

What is your favourite holiday tv special?
I love watching kids Christmas specials on tv. I think the “Muppets Christmas Special” is probably the best, but it isn’t really Christmas without “The Grinch”, “Rudolph” and “Frosty”. I’ve tried watching some of the newer Christmas specials as well but I think they got it right in the 60s – those stop motion shows are always the best and I can’t imagine the holidays without them.

What is your fondest holiday memory?
When I was a kid I used to always come to Toronto to see my Grandparents for Christmas. I especially loved being at the Dix’s because it was usually the only time of year I got to see my cousins from Ottawa. I have lots of happy memories of crawling around in the crawl space, playing with our new toys and eating those delicious arrowroot squares my Grandma used to make every year. I can’t think of any bad moments about those early Christmases.

What is your most embarrassing holiday memory?
Thankfully I don’t have many of those! All I can really think of is getting underwear for Christmas from my Grandma, when I was still young enough that the mere mention of the word would make me blush. All my cousins are around me frantically tearing the paper off of video games, trucks and action figures, and suddenly I’m holding frilly pink underwear. Mortifying for a 5 year old.

What are you most excited for in regards to “Retro Radio Hour”? Why should everyone come to see it?
The last couple shows we’ve done have been rather dark and serious, which is funny because I usually consider myself to be more of a fan of comedy. I love doing “Retro Radio Hour” because it’s just silly, harmless fun. There’s no deep messages or questions, nothing haunting or frightening, it’s just a chance to sit back, relax and laugh; and you will. We have an amazing cast and some hilarious plays, including ones originally performed by everyone’s favourite redhead, Lucille Ball, and the “funny girl” herself, Fanny Brice. What’s not to love?

Be sure to join us on Saturday November 30th, 8:00pm at the Winchester Kitchen. Tickets are only $5. Check out our event page for all the details.